G.I. Joe Retaliation

Sometimes I hate this project.

G.I. Joe Retaliation is about the terrorist leader Cobra Commander escaping the prison he was apparently sentenced to in the first movie (I never saw, nor will I see it), because, you know, the biggest terrorist mastermind the world has ever known with capabilities to destroy a large metropolis would be allowed to live.  The President has been replaced by someone who's good with makeup and orders the Joes be taken out.  I liked this part because Channing Tatum gets offed early on in the film and I didn't have to watch him for the rest of it.  He was supposed to be the leader of the Joes, but every time he had to make a decision he just looked at the Rock anyway.  The remaining handful of Joes are now enemies of the state and yet still have to save the world.

Basically the plot is: Bang bang bang, stop talking, bang bang.

Rock angry!

That said, the action isn't good.  There's nothing more impressive than you've seen in other films, and often the camera angles break so many rules you have no idea what's going on anyway.

There is not a single line of dialog or thought that's even remotely original.  You can tell what every character is going to say just by thinking of the most cliche line possible.  It seems like the entire film was written by a 10 year old.  The most hilarious part was when they tried to hint at a romantic subplot, which lasts for one scene and nothing happens because girls have cooties.

Eww gross!

Here's where I spoil the ending:  The Joes save the day, Cobra Commander gets away so they can make a sequel, and everyone is happy because they've already forgotten about the dozens of Joes that were murdered.  Oh, and the 8.1 million people in the city of London, they're dead too.

It's not America so it's okay.

I cannot express just how much I hate this film.  The plot and dialog are a mess of cliches, technology is treated like wizardry, and there's not a single character to care about.  The evil plan the Cobras have revolves around disarming the worlds nuclear weapons, which doesn't seem that bad.  Hell, they killed Channing Tatum first thing in the movie, I was already rooting for them.  Even Bruce Willis doubling the amount of baldness couldn't make this movie good.

Rock sad...

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

Here's a short review for you.  No.  Just no.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone is a movie about entertainers.  Let's review; It's a form of entertainment about entertainers.  Somehow, being entertained is the only thing you won't experience while watching this pile of crap.  You may, however, feel nauseous, bored, angry, annoyed, and slightly aroused.

 Literally the only reason to even consider watching this movie.

The plot:  A magician and his partner do the same act for decades and don't understand when they get fired.  Jim Carrey's character gains popularity by doing Chris Angel style stunts that leave him wounded.  A rivalry forms.  At this point I seriously started to think about my taxes and I'm pretty sure there was nothing left of note anyways.

Even though this film has comedians Jim Carrey and Steve Carell, you won't laugh once.  You won't even crack a smile, a grin, a smirk.  For 2 hours if a doctor looked at your face he would pronounce you dead.  Unfortunately you wouldn't be, you'd still be watching this.

The best part of this movie for me was the excuse to google pictures of Olivia Wilde.

Most Anticipated Movies of 2013

Here's a rundown of my most anticipated movies of 2013!  Let me know what you think of the list and what movies you're most excited about!

The Great Gatsby

Number 1 on my list is The Great Gatsby.  The book by F. Scott Fitzgerald is a genius work related more to painting or poetry than a novel.  In the trailers I haven't seen a single location or event that didn't look exactly as I had pictured while reading the book.

There are a couple issues that might come up.  First of all, the novel is fantastic because of the artful way Fitzgerald crafted the english language into a beautiful prose.  The written word isn't available on the silver screen though, and plot wise Gatsby doesn't have a whole lot going on.  It'll be interesting to see how it plays out and I'm sure the reviews will end up mixed.
Second issue I have is with the cast, particularly DiCaprio.  This might anger the internet, but I'm not a fan of his, at all.  Everyone wonders why he's never gotten an Oscar but to me it's obvious, he hasn't had a single performance worthy of one.  He's just not that good.  Maguire is an odd choice for Nick Carraway, but I'm hopeful the two will still make it a great movie.

The Great Gatsby comes out May 10th.

Ender's Game

Another film based on a novel, but come on, we all loved Ender's Game.  There's still no official trailer or any notable information on it, but we're all counting on it to be great.  I, for one, will be happy to finally see what the zero G war game is supposed to look like (I could never quite picture it).

Ender's Game comes out November 1st.

Iron Man 3

I'm not the super sophisticated movie aficionado all the time.  The Iron Man films, along with The Avengers, are just plain awesome.  The third appears to be taking a new direction from the previous ones.  It's a bit darker, but not trying to be emo and edgy like other sequels tend to do.  It still retains that classic Tony Stark feel, just with bigger odds and more to lose.  A great recipe.

Iron man 3 comes out May 3rd.

Animated Film Extravaganza

As you know, I'm an animator, and I'm excited for practically every animated feature coming out this year, so why not knock them out all at once.

Monsters University

 It's Pixar.  It's Monsters University.  Need I say more?  It comes out June 21st.

Despicable Me 2

I was only okay with the first installment.  The minions that everyone else loved seemed like a marketing cop-out to me, designed to be adorable and that's it.  The second film appears to have more going for it and has left me excited.  It comes out July 3rd.

Turbo

DreamWorks second major animated feature this year, first being The Croods.  The story of a snail who wants to race like Nascar.  Just the dynamic I usually push for in my own writing, but a bit more ridiculous.  It looks good though.  Turbo comes out July 17th.

Epic

Please ignore the dumb title.  Epic is the next film from Blue Sky and it looks great.  A story about a young girl looking for adventure who gets shrunk down and experiences a world in the forest that seems like a dream.  There's also more snails.  What is it with snails this year? Epic Comes out May 24th.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2

I didn't want to like the first Cloudy, but it was written so hilariously and timed so well that it made me love it.  The second installment looks just as good, if not better.  It comes out September 27th.

Moving on...

Pacific Rim

Hell yes.  Giant robots fighting giant monsters.  What more do I have to say?  Guillermo Del Toro? Does that convince you?  It should.  This film looks like a mix of Evangelion, Gundam, Godzilla, and some wet dreams I had when I was 11.  It also has the voice of GLaDOS, I don't really know why.

Pacific Rim comes out July 12th.

The Bling Ring

What?  Does this seem weird?  Why would I be excited for a movie about a bunch of rich, preppy girls partying, stealing, and dealing with girl stuff?

No reason...