G.I. Joe Retaliation

Sometimes I hate this project.

G.I. Joe Retaliation is about the terrorist leader Cobra Commander escaping the prison he was apparently sentenced to in the first movie (I never saw, nor will I see it), because, you know, the biggest terrorist mastermind the world has ever known with capabilities to destroy a large metropolis would be allowed to live.  The President has been replaced by someone who's good with makeup and orders the Joes be taken out.  I liked this part because Channing Tatum gets offed early on in the film and I didn't have to watch him for the rest of it.  He was supposed to be the leader of the Joes, but every time he had to make a decision he just looked at the Rock anyway.  The remaining handful of Joes are now enemies of the state and yet still have to save the world.

Basically the plot is: Bang bang bang, stop talking, bang bang.

Rock angry!

That said, the action isn't good.  There's nothing more impressive than you've seen in other films, and often the camera angles break so many rules you have no idea what's going on anyway.

There is not a single line of dialog or thought that's even remotely original.  You can tell what every character is going to say just by thinking of the most cliche line possible.  It seems like the entire film was written by a 10 year old.  The most hilarious part was when they tried to hint at a romantic subplot, which lasts for one scene and nothing happens because girls have cooties.

Eww gross!

Here's where I spoil the ending:  The Joes save the day, Cobra Commander gets away so they can make a sequel, and everyone is happy because they've already forgotten about the dozens of Joes that were murdered.  Oh, and the 8.1 million people in the city of London, they're dead too.

It's not America so it's okay.

I cannot express just how much I hate this film.  The plot and dialog are a mess of cliches, technology is treated like wizardry, and there's not a single character to care about.  The evil plan the Cobras have revolves around disarming the worlds nuclear weapons, which doesn't seem that bad.  Hell, they killed Channing Tatum first thing in the movie, I was already rooting for them.  Even Bruce Willis doubling the amount of baldness couldn't make this movie good.

Rock sad...